Eco-Friendly? Think Again

FOR ages, I've called a narrowboat my home, under the impression it was the pinnacle of eco-conscious living, writes Ralph Freeman.

Winter? A modest 3Kg of solid fuel to keep the chill at bay and a mere 4Kwh of shore-supplied electricity to light/warm up my life. Yet, to my surprise, I've been branded an environmental villain by CaRT and the echo chamber of media critiques.

So, I've embarked on a quest for redemption, securing a quaint cottage in a village so remote, it barely registers on a map. Sans gas or sewage services, but fear not—I'll bask in the warmth of diesel-fuelled warmth and an AGA for culinary adventures. Progress, right?

Navigating the Great Outdoors

The rugged terrain renders my trusty bike obsolete. Fear not, for the solution is as grand as it is comfortable—a hefty SUV with a thirst for diesel for it's powerful turbo-diesel engine. It's the countryside's chariot of choice, after all.

Though I'll pine for my aquatic abode next summer, I've been promised a berth in a Winnebago camper van for a jaunt across Australia. Because if you're going to do it, do it big.

Surely, this leap towards a life less ordinary must eclipse my former existence in the green stakes. After all, if the authorities and public opinion are to be believed, my narrowboat days were practically dripping in eco-sin. Or were they? Cue the dramatic pause for reflection...