Victor—an interesting jaunt to Chester and back

Second lap

HAVING 'done' virtually all the waterways we are now well into the second lap, so though we made it to Ellesmere Port last time, when we were younger and more enthusiastic, Chester was far enough.

Have you ever had one of those cruises when everything seems to go wrong? This was one of them. The batteries, after just three years, gave up the ghost, so it was only as far as Stenson before all three needed replacing. And then the hell of a job getting rid of them, before a garage took them off our hands.

Three useless batteries—but try and get rid

As She Who Must Be Obeyed had decreed that she wasn't pulling the boat up and down anymore to get a decent terrestrial television signal, we thought it most clever at installing a satellite system, which packed up completely on the third day. So once again it was the purchase of a common or garden aerial, to get the telly.

Then coming into a lock the most infernal racket came from the engine, so tightening every nut and bolt in sight hoping to fathom out the problem, was to little avail, so soldiered-on until stopping for the night. Then a more detailed search found a loose mounting plate bolt floating around—problem solved!

Then one cold morning the Mikuni wouldn't start. But a loose connection solved that one.

One thing much in abundance since our last venture to Chester was Tony's Defra Rash, sprouting all over the place, with a great deal of it having now been slung into the waterway. Seems like a case of install it and forget it.

Lots of Tony's Defra Rash—even up-market blue

It was the middle of April, but I was amazed at the complete lack of private boats about. Quite a few hire and share boats, but private ones were very thin on the water, with the Trent & Mersey hardly living up to its summer time name of the M.

At the Wedgwood moorings, which have been nearly full in the past around this time of the year, all there were, in addition to us, was an hotel boat and a Black Prince boat.

Most boats seemed to be at their moorings, with no few on restricted moorings, immaterial of their length of stay, amongst them Granny Bloomers, whose owner had cleared off to the fair county of Norfolk to earn a crust. No doubt its owner will have a good excuse for its out of date licence, of which he was so kind to tell me.

Going nowhere on restricted moorings

Perhaps if our masters get into gear, and enforce the rules, such people will have to pay for the privilege, instead of getting away with it time and time again.

The fella at Harecastle Tunnel agreed about the lack of boats, thinking the weather had put 'em off. But another fella on the moorings by the Romping Donkey thought there was a downturn in boating as he had never known so few boats at that time of year.

The Harecastle fella also told of hire boats taking one and a half hours to get through the Harecastle, obviously bouncing from side to side. (He thinks hire companies are on a mission to widen the tunnel to make it two-way!) We all know that the quicker you go through the straighter the course, with our time exactly half an hour, with She Who Must Be Obeyed on the tiller, with ner a bump. Clever sod!

Then it was down Heartbreak Hill, and more and more of the twin locks down to only one working. There were three securely chained-up, with two at Wheelock obviously holding water, yet out of order it would seem because the paddles needed attention.

Just a little maintenance needed...

One boater tried to tell me how to lock through, something I really hate—I was doing it wrong of course—but having just calculated the log I told him we had done 4,458 locks of all sizes and shapes, so really ought to know what it was all about. But he had the answer that he did it as the old boatmen did. which I very much doubted, as the man opened up a ground paddle a quarter way, then the other a quarter way, then a little more, and not until the boat neared the top did he fully open. I wouldn't think for one moment the old boatmen with a living to earn and a 70ft boat, would be pussyfooting around like that!

Up onto the Middlewich Branch and Felix Catus III, and so would have loved a chat, but alas no more. A little further on we came across So Far, abode of Peter & Gillian Bolt. Gillian, another worthy of the Inland Waterways Association. Then another, Nackered Navvy, but certainly didn't want words with Sue Burchett! I only hope that she doesn't get back on the National Association of Boat Owners after the Sampson's give up their positions. Her sheer anti British Waterways venom did the association no good at all.

Keeping up with our problem cruise, some narrowboater had either lost or slung off a rather hefty log in Lock 3, which jammed us solid for a good half hour whilst we hacked and chopped to get it free.

Hacking at the log to free our boat

Half an hour later it's out

Turned eventually up onto the main line to Chester, dodging the hire boats, and sharing a lock with one whose crew complained that their particular Middlewich boat was the dirtiest they had ever hired in 16 years, with bunks in the supposed eight berth 55ft boat very cramped, even for six.

This fella, telling of the many canals he had cruised, told me that the worst was the Oxford, and to put it in his own words: 'All those broken down filthy boats down the south end spoilt it for me'. British Waterways should take notice of something else that puts people off the waterways...

'Broken down filthy boats' spoil it for others—these two are at Barbridge

We intended going into the middle of Chester, but were getting a little fed up of the rain, and as it was absolutely pissing it down on that particular morning, we decided a turn at Bridge 122 instead, which left the problem of getting to a supermarket. So acting on our Brian's instructions, we walked along the parallel A41 to the roundabout, then down Caldy Valley Road to Sainsbury's. As we were rather loaded, it was taxi back to the boat at a charge of a mere three quid.

So if any of you want to do the same, turn just before the bridge and reverse through to the piling, hoping there's room left by the unlicenced boats. It's then just about 10 feet to the road!

A good example of the crumbling state of the waterways was the hole by the lock beam at Beeston Stone Lock. It was full of water when we first passed through, disguising itself as a puddle, but with the lock empty on the return journey it was a rather deep hole. I hope nobody put their foot in the 'puddle' or else it would most likely be a broken ankle. We left it for our Brian to sort out with the local manager.

Crumbling away...

I reckon that the Shroppie must have the most and best mooring sites of any waterway—thanks to the Shropshire Union Canal Society, with literally dozens of 'em, many with picnic tables and even barbecue facilities. We stayed at quite a few.

Mooring facilities provided by the society

Back on my old campaign of unlicenced boats, there are dozens of 'em on the Shroppie, with no few blatantly displaying 2006 licences. Time for a patrol officer methinks.

A clutch without licences at Bridge 42

And of course, the brand new ones that have been slipped in and being fitted out—slowly—with neither name, number or licence.

Showing that a narrowboat can make a good office, an Australian we shared the staircase with, told that he was running his Melbourne office using the web whilst on a six weeks extended waterways cruise.

Fulfilled a self-promise and visited the Nuclear Bunker at Hack Green, and we thoroughly enjoyed the experience of seeing what would happen in the event of a nuclear war. Worth a visit.

She Who, etc, etc being baffled in the bunker

We were told that the attraction was open by one of the two boaters moored at the bridge, and during the ensuing conversation learned that he had been moored there nine weeks. Responding to my comment about the 14 days maximum, he laughingly responded: "The friendly waterways man leaves us alone."

Allowed to moor for nine weeks

Which he most certainly shouldn't do, but which perhaps explains the proliferation of overstayers in the area.

At Hack Green there were bases in the ground where there had obviously been bollards, but now there were none. Had somebody pinched them?

Where have the bollards gone?

So to the Audlem, Adderley and Tyrley flights, and a little help was most certainly required, so definitely the day for my old mate Eugene Baston, who with Emma, made it all so very easy.

For all of you who have asked, I can tell you Eugene is doing very well indeed thank you, much better in fact now he is away from the stress of the present operation of British Waterways.

Starting young—Eugene and son

At Tyrley, the problem of the missing Hack Green bollards was solved. Our masters now ultra health and safety conscious have decreed that bollards are too dangerous for mooring, so out they come. Only rings are to be used for visitor moorings. Richard Hall of the Shropshire Union Canal Society had new rings stacked in his garage prior to installing, after the drilling of the bases had been completed. So soon there will be rings for even more overstayers at Hack Green!

Rings in place of bollards

After Tyrley it was real linear moorers—miles of them—with 28 on the British Waterways moorings above Bridge 44, all with licences, then an endless 45 below at private moorings, including eight with no licences. So our masters are at least on the ball here—at its own moorings anyway.

As far as the eye can see—and lots more after the far bridge

Then it was Norbury Junction, with a total of 85 moored boats plus reserved spaces for even more for the coming week-end boating event.

If ever marinas were needed, it's the Shroppie, certainly not the Trent & Mersey.

Noisy at Shebdon Embankment

With an African Lion Dog needing lots of exercise, we took walks along paths and through woods in addition to the towpaths, and enjoyed the multitude of wild flowers that abound at this time of year. Though not a lion in sight.

Woodland flowers in the woods by the Shroppie

One thing I particularly like about the canal is its towpaths, with long stretches of green, and ner any concrete or tarmac in sight, and most certainly no whizzing cyclists. I wonder if I should get the naturalists on my side to campaign for leaving them in their natural state? Now there's a thought.

Beautiful towpaths in their natural state

A stay then at Wheaton Aston and needless to say diesel from Mrs Turner, at 65p a litre. So how is it that it's 78p at Sawley, when we are so often told that British Waterways has to keep to market prices? I don't think so. And before anyone jumps in to say Mrs. Turner's is also a service station, others along the Shroppie were selling the stuff at around the same price.

The waterways' most popular place for diesel

At Wheaton Aston we were all treated to dinner at the Hartley Arms by another of my mates, he of the pink thing, Brian Holmes. And a jolly time was had by all. Definitely a boaters' pub.

Brian doing his 'Inspector of Canals' bit

Soon it was the end of the Shroppie, but in the few years since I travelled this part, there has been a great influx of non-continuous cruisers, usually moored close to a bridge with a vehicle parked nearby, and more often that not on visitor moorings, the actual period allowed being of no consequence to them whatsoever.

Then past the old Water Travel base at the junction, where many, many moons ago we hired a thumping twin cylinder driven boat, which put us off 'traditional' engines for ever.

Personally I'm not a great fan of the Shroppie, and its long boring lockless straights, though I obviously see the advantage of Telford constructing such a waterway, and have enjoyed the flights. Mind you, the lack of development is definitely in its favour. No, for me, it's the twisting Staffs & Worcs and its easy regular locks.

One thing I definitely didn't like about the Staffs & Worcs however was the Fox & Anchor pub at Cross Green. It was nice and early at 12.15pm when we ordered meals, and though only one of our party of four had a starter it was exactly 1.16pm—over an hour later—when the main meal arrived. And my 'deep filled pie', most certainly wasn't. Making it just up to the half-way mark in the dish. Not recommended.

The Fox & Anchor on the Staffs & Worcs

An uneventful cruise down the canal with however a boat at an end of garden mooring showing a licence ending February 2006, which surely shouldn't have given any problem chasing the owner. Always providing the local patrol officer is that way inclined...

Then it was Tixall Wide for the night, mooring at the bottom near to the lock to get away from the generators and thumping engines which seem always to be part of the life on the 'wide'.

A walk towards Haywood showed the same boats moored at the best locations as were there a fortnight ago, and what's the betting they are still there? Once again making such a mockery of the 14 days rule.

One boat, Ridsy, had a rather silly notice about dogs, which surely must show a lack of mentality, as how on earth does one control when a dog does what a dog's got to do. But the best was when we moored together at Rugeley, our dog, Red, strolled up to Ridsy and dropped one right outside! Upon which it was left to me to clean it up. So what's the owner's problem?

Silly sod!

Leaving early morning She Who etc. etc counted 34 moored at the 'Wide' including the residents.

Then the surprise. From just having two boats pass us between Kings Bromley to Rugeley two weeks previously, in bright sunshine today, there were 28—nearly all private—passing us over the same distance. The sunshine must have brought them out. Back as the M1!

We moored fairly early on the Saturday above Wood End Lock, yet once again it was borne out that the Shakespeare Boats from Barton Turns do not slow down when passing moored boats. We however were properly moored so they had little effect, but we were amazed when one came out of the lock, slammed it into 'full ahead' passing the moored boats, then actually slowed down to pass an approaching one! Needs a little adjustment in instruction methinks.

Nice and early through the dreaded Fradley Junction, with ner a moving boat in sight, but being a Bank Holiday I was told it was 'sheer hell' later in the day.

All clear—early mooring at Fradley Junction

But then to the popular Alrewas with the two statutory Canaltime boats securely moored to the lock moorings, which at after 9am, with the occupants obviously still having their breakfast, was causing no little problem for those of us using the lock. After all these years one would think the company would have instructed its clients a little better about lock moorings.

'Three ropes' Canaltimers causing the usual problems at Alrewas Lock

Having time to spare we moored just beyond Willington for the night, but then came across a queue of 11 boats waiting to go down Weston Lock, including six Canaltime. It took, would you believe, exactly 1hr 55mins. Yes nearly two hours.

Slowing the boaters at Weston Broad Lock

And the reason? British Waterways on another health and safety trip, had after 200 years use, decided in its stupidity to install hinged baffles on the water inlets. And with chains to make sure they don't open too wide, thus securely trapping all the waste coming down, and consequently just about doubling filling time!

Hinged baffle plates restricting the flow

One of the boaters was another mate and ex British Waterways man, Richard Fairhurst, editor of Waterways World, who was out for the day. But hanging back a little we managed to give him space to turn his boat around before the lock and clear off back the way he had come. Sensible fella!

Richard leaving the queue

The cruise to Chester and back was definitely a wet one this time, with the hailstones bouncing six inches on the back deck on Heartbreak, and many a day well wrapped in waterproofs. But what the hell. You either enjoy your boating or you don't. And we do, come what may...

Slinging it down at Heartbreak Hill

April/May 2008